Making Dreams Come True

My partner has dreamed for years of putting together “circle singing” – and tonight he is realizing his dream. I am not involved (as I have no musical ability) but I am upstairs listen to some of the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard – textless vocals blending, melding, folding together in beautiful harmony and passion. It is absolutely spiritual!

He was unsure of putting this together – nervous that he wouldn’t be able to convey what it was about – but they definitely “get it.” He has the perfect disposition to get it started, give it an outline and let everyone take their own creative avenue and give it a life of its own. That’s the whole concept of this music – it’s of the moment –you don’t rehearse it to “get it right” – you live it in the moment like the rest of life – there is no rehearsal – experience it in the NOW.

I am so proud of him and admire him so much for daring to make his dream a reality. Imagine the world if we could all be that brave!

Coming of Age in My Mid 40s

My partner and I are hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year. I am already brimming with excitement. My mom will come in the day before to help with the cooking – this is not cheating – this is tradition – I grew up in an extended-family household where three generations of women prepared for days before the feast – since I have no children and Grama is long gone, we’ll have to settle for two generations. My mom is a fabulous cook, she loves to do it and she has passed down to me her sense of entertaining style and grace – garnish the platters with parsley (knowing no one will eat it), always use cloth linens, each piece of silverware has a very specific place, use candles on the table, have a festive centerpiece, and make sure there's plenty of libations to go around.

This should be a total hoot! First of all, our house is under major renovation. There are only a couple of finished rooms in the house, but hey, as long as the bathroom is one of them we are good-to-go, right? The kitchen is fully functional, and actually has all new appliances, but it is very rough like the rest of the downstairs – the drywall is up, but not mudded much less painted, no trim, the floors are exposed sub-flooring, and we have stacks of lumber and other building materials about the place. We’ll clear out the large living room and set up a big long table made of saw horses and plywood, cover it with a white linen cloth (with a silencer underneath, of course) and call it good. The atmosphere will be sort of a “Tim the Tool Man meets Martha Stewart.” But I’m sure no one will mind – it’s not about what the house looks like or how the table is set – it’s about good company, good food, and lively conversation.

Which leads me to the next interesting element – the guest list is an eclectic combination of some of my family, some of Emmot’s family, and some of his hippy friends from the old days. We are definitely running the gamut of the political scale, with a few strong anchors on each end. Should make for some lively conversation!

Mostly I am looking forward to doing some traditional entertaining in our home – although it feels awkwardly “grown up” to me. I may be 45, but I will always be the baby in the family, and having no children, I’m not viewed as a “household.” I’ve never really taken myself very seriously as a domestic figure. When you grow up the “baby” in a house full of women, eventually you learn to just smile and say “sure, thanks.” But I have finally settled into an adult relationship with a great partner and we have a wonderful home – it’s time to step up to the stove and take my place as an adult.

I can already smell the delicious aromas of the feast drifting through the house, hear the warm laughter floating above the soft music, and feel the glow of good times warming my soul. It is already a Thanksgiving to remember!

Landing On My Feet

My sister has been known to say about me “Don’t worry about her; she always lands on her feet.” Of course, I like to take a little more credit for my path in life and say that I make good decisions. As with most things in life, I’m sure it’s a combination – a little good luck, a little skill, and a “10-8-ious” attitude.

So here I am – back on my feet – you could say “resurrected” after the autopsy (see July posting “Autopsy of an Idealism”). I know its cliché, but it is also true – one door closes in life so a new one can open. It never feels that way when the door is closing – one seldom can see the next door opening, and it takes more faith then I have to believe that it’s there sometimes. But there is always a way out; sometimes the door is opened for you, and sometimes you have to put your head down and charge the darkness until you “see the light” (so to speak). This time, just as I was toughening my skin for the painful charge, a door was opened - - and here I am, standing in the sunshine again.

Reaching my wits end over my previously-ideal job changing in to something less heroic and rightous then I had built it up to be, I decided to stop being miserable. After agonizing over what could have been, or used to be, I decided I was going to leave the company – I had to get out of the downward spiral I was in. I was willing to make decisions that would be less than flattering on my resume (not to mention my bank account). I’d do whatever it took.

Then one day one of the managers from my company called to chat about some projects we had been working on – she caught me at a bad moment – or as it turns out, a good moment. I was a basket case – I was crying and I was swearing and I completely dumped on her. Ended up telling her “FUCK IT – I’m leaving this company no matter what – I don’t care if I have to flip burgers.” Good thing for me, she has broad shoulders, and she already knew I was pretty unhappy so this did not come as a complete shock to her. She asked me to meet with her and we set up an appointment for later that week.

As it turned out she had an opening for a branch manager at an office about 20 minutes from my house. I’ll spare you the whole soul-searching portion of this story and cut to the chase - - In the end I realized that what I really wanted was to be away from the administrative side of business and back in a position where I could serve the customer – direct operations. I was a little leery because I had tried a branch manager position years ago, and wasn’t sure it was a good fit for me. But that was 5 years ago and in the mean time I had learned a lot and grown a lot – both personally and professionally. I felt I was up to the challenge. And from a personal perspective, this was an opportunity to stay with the company that had done right by me for so many years in the past – an opportunity to heal the wounds that I had suffered as well as the ones I had caused. It was the door leading from the dark into the light.

So far, so good – it’s only been a month or so, and I am still transitioning back into the branch environment, but once again, I LOVE my job – I have some great ideas for improving my branch and growing business, and I am very eager to dive in and do it.

So I guess its true what my sister says about me – I always land on my feet –and in this case, have hit the ground running!