The Sum Of All My Parts

I have recently been a participant in two separate personality tests. One was required through my employer, that was the Kolbe A Index and the other I chose to take which was the Myers Briggs Type Indicator.

The Kolbe A Index that I took was designed to identify natural talents and skills in terms of a career. Kolbe also does other personality tests, they started out doing child personality typing, and now do all sorts, but the one my boss had me take was work-related (go figure!) It’s a very positive test; there is no right/wrong or bad/good judgment given – even the biggest loser is going have a report spit out that says something positive. As they describe the concept: “we all have an equal amount of quality, it’s just a matter of where our quality lies” (how’s that for a schmooze!) Anyway, the test asks a series of about 30 questions, mostly about how you would approach various problem-solving challenges. It ends up grading you on 4 stages of the process from fact-finding through implementation of the solution. I did not score high in any one of the categories (but remember there is no wrong or bad response! Its all about the combination!). As I read the description of my “type profile” I realized that it had me dead-on. My overall personality type was labeled as “Mediator” which not only ended up fitting me perfectly, but fits the job that I have to a tee (the job that I absolutely love!) There are pages of explanation, I won’t bore you with it all, but here’s a summary: Good at facilitating groups because I can bring them to consensus; accommodate a variety of ways to get something accomplished; effective working on a team but not out front – happier behind the scenes; a knack for bridging the gap between differing approaches; bring out the best from individuals; the glue that holds a group together; prevent projects from breaking down when others become polarized. What was even more interesting to me was that it said the “Mediator” was the rarest of personality types. So this is great – I have the right skills for my job. I have my performance evaluation next week, we’ll see if my boss agrees.

The Myers Briggs Type Indicator was also very interesting; it was developed by Carl Jung, the famous psychiatrist. This test is conducted in two stages. First you answer about a 75 item questionnaire mostly about preferences and comfort zones. Before you see the results of the test you are presented with 4 categories and for each one you have to select which end of the spectrum most closely describes your tendency/approach. They are:
Where do you get your energy? Extraversion or Introversion
How do you prefer to take in information? Sensing or Intuition
How do you make decision? Thinking or Feeling
How do you deal with the outer world? Judging or Perceiving
There are 16 possible combinations of these factors; the combination that fits you is your personality type. The test that you take also scores you for what personality type you are. I am an INTJ (Introversion / Intuition / Thinking / Judging). It was very interesting that the only category that was really hard for me to choose was the Sensing/Intuition, I could relate to both descriptions, and I actually chose Sensing. My test had scored me as a solid Intuitive and after carefully reading the description for the two of them I decided I am an INTJ. I can also identify with some of the ISTJ characteristics, but as a whole it did not describe me as well. Again – there are pages of description – I’ll hit the highlights: likes complex challenges and readily synthesizes complicated theoretical and abstract matters; values knowledge and expects competence of themselves and others; trusts their insightful connections regardless of established authority or popular opinions; dull routine smothers their creativity; tough and decisive when the situation calls for toughness; trusts their own perceptions and judgments more than those of others and applies their high standards of knowledge and competence most rigorously to them self; theory oriented – seeks to understand the principles on which the world and things in it work; trusts logic and reason; skeptical and precise. I go along with all of that. This will confirm it for you if you are in doubt (and if you know me at all) -- there is a little handout that goes along with the MB Types that offers an amusing but apt “prayer” for each type – my INTJ prayer is “Lord, keep me open to others’ ideas, wrong though they may be.”

What does all this mean? In the end, nothing that I didn’t already know mostly, it just put it into words. It’s not a crystal ball; it doesn’t then go on to tell you your destiny. Both of these tests work off of the premise that there are certain strengths/talents that we are born with that we will always have and are not learned skills. They both stressed that what they are uncovering is the “natural” strengths/preferences/talents, but that everyone is capable of developing others, and it in no way should be assumed that if someone didn’t score strongly in one area that it was an indication that they were not or could not be talented in that area (how’s that for a disclaimer!)

It’s funny that I am so fascinated by this stuff (and I am). I am not a person who likes to be pigeon-holed, labeled, categorized – I’m an individual damn it! I’m more complicated then your calculations and test scores! There is more to me then the sum of all my parts! But maybe that’s why I find this stuff so cool – we are all individuals, yet we can take these tests and they spit out some report that describes so much of us so accurately -- it's almost scarey. But then there’s all that other stuff – there’s the stuff these reports could never know about me – that’s the part that makes me, me!

The Need to Nest is Strong

I had a really odd day Saturday, I wasn’t quite myself, but I wasn’t quite someone else either – or maybe I was and I just don’t know that person. I'm calling it an out-of-mind experience. I’ve had this sensation before, but not often and not for a long time. It feels like it should be drug-induced, but it wasn’t. It was the first day in a long time that I had absolutely no plans and no commitments. (What does that say about me?). Between my job, my recent church involvement and my more recent flute lessons, I no longer have a routine day that I go to bed without the alarm set and say, “screw it, I’ll sleep ‘til noon if I want to!” Not that I would sleep until noon – but the feeling of knowing that I could is the gratifying part. But my flute lesson was moved this week, so I had no commitment Saturday morning and really had no particular plans for the day. (Maybe this was the problem? – I had no plan. – Please tell me I don’t require that much structure in my life!)

So I slept until 10:00 and finally roused out of bed closer to 11:00 – completely rested, but not quite myself – sort of in a haze. I just couldn’t focus on anything. I had a list of things I might consider accomplishing – clean the house, run a couple of errands in Kzoo, get some food in the house, pay bills, catch up on my personal emails. Nothing terribly pressing; it all could have been skipped with no notice to anyone. (Maybe this was the problem? – I had no deadlines. – Please tell me I don’t require that much structure in my life!)

I decided to start the day with breakfast – I had been lying in bed thinking that a breakfast sandwich would be good – I have some whole wheat bagels, eggs, cheese, and some turkey bacon – yeah, I’ll do that. But my brain was not fully awake and this is not a good mental state to cook in – sufficive to say, it turned out a gooey, dripping, cardboard-like disaster. I force myself to eat almost half of it before I toss it in the trash. (Maybe this was my problem? – my grandmother always said breakfast is the most important meal. – Please tell me I don’t require that much structure in my life)

After cleaning up that mess, I shoveled the snow off my patio while trying to decide on a plan – the house cleaning and the errands seem like the two things I most wanted to accomplish. So first I gear up to run my errands – make a list (yes, I know about this part of my required structure) and bundle up in my coat, gloves, scarf. . . But just as I am opening the door to leave I think to myself “I don’t know if I really feel like striking right out for these errands?” and “If I leave the house now, I probably will not feel like cleaning the house later and it will never get done.” Okay, that settled it – the list goes in my pocketbook for later, I take the coat, gloves, scarf off and I proceed to half clean the house – which is to say I vacuum, feather-dust and clean the toilet. This is only half cleaning my house because it is overdue for a full cleaning – floors mopped, shower and sinks scrubbed, mirrors windexed, the whole nine yards. But I absolutely do not have it in me to do all that, in fact the whole time I’m half cleaning my house (really just wanting it to be over!) I am wondering how much it would cost to get a cleaning lady to come clean my house really good once a month, and whether or not that is way too decadent for a UU to even be considering – after all, I live alone and it’s a tiny house – that is the one great selling point of a tiny house – “its so easy to clean” -- (yeah – well not today!) It’s not that I felt tired or lazy – I was just really not focused enough to want to be doing these tasks – I was going through the motions, but it felt more like I was watching me do them, but not really doing them.

After half cleaning the house I set out for my errands – one is a used book store I’ve wanted to check out and the other is a health food store in that same neighborhood that surely carries some of the whole grain flours I need for some bread recipes I’ve been wanting to try. But I’m really having trouble visualizing myself going on these errands – why is this important to me? This becomes almost daunting for me. I don’t get it – it’s a book store (I love book stores) and a health food store that I have been in numerous times. Why is this lack of visualization making me feel so intimidated? (Maybe this is my problem? I can’t engage myself in a task I can’t visualize myself doing.—Please tell me I don’t require that much structure in my life!) But insecurities and apprehensions in tow, I head out on my adventure – after making several wrong turns on the way (I’m just not destined to do this!) I find myself at the very cool little book store in Kzoo. But they don’t have the specific book I wanted (not too surprising it’s a used book store – you can’t be picky) and I tell the guy, “okay thanks, I’m just gonna look around awhile.” The guy walks away and all the sudden I felt like I had never stepped foot in a book store before. I could have been on a different planet and I would not have felt more out of place. This is not like me, I love browsing book stores – it’s one of my favorite past times – (yeah – well not today!) This sensation did wear off after several minutes (although it felt like an hour) and I successfully browsed the “Contemporary Classics” section and ended up buying 4 books (to add to my collection of books I don’t have time to read).

So I leave the book store and head up the road toward the health food store, although, I knew, even as I pulled my car away from the book store that I was not going to go to the health food store. Now, mind you, this is not a part of town that I frequent, and if I don’t stop today, it may be some time before I make a special trip over here again. I don’t care – the book store was much too traumatic – I am not going to yet another foreign planet today – I have a serious need to get back home to the safety of my home – where there are no other humans and everything is very familiar to me.

But I am hungry, it’s mid afternoon by now and I threw out most of my breakfast (don’t remind me!). Hmm, well, I am driving right by the super market that has fresh sushi – that’s always a treat for me, I sometimes go out of my way to come here for sushi and look, it’s right here!. . . . Well, it’s right back there now. I drove past it while trying to convince myself I should stop. Nope – didn’t want any part of that place either. So I head toward home. I have no intention of doing a full grocery order, but I know that there is nothing in my house that I want to eat, and I have called in a prescription to my local grocery store, so – kill two birds, right? NOT. Oh, but so close! I pulled in to the drive that leads to my grocery store, but at the very last second veered off for the McDonalds drive-thru because I really don’t want to get out of my car, or deal with humans, or stand in a grocery store trying to make decisions. So instead I settle for grease & salt (my favorite nemesis!) and head for the comfort-zone of my house.

Twenty minutes later I am curled up on my couch with my blanket, my cat and a good book, the fireplace glowing, and I realize - - - THIS is what I’ve wanted to do all day! And there I stayed, late into the night, soaking up as much blissful comfort as I could.

The lesson learned – don’t fight your need to nest! If you wake up and feel like an alien – it’s your mind’s way of telling you that you don’t want to go out there in the world today, what you really need is the comfort and safety of your own nest. The reason fate occasionally hands a busy person a day with no plans, no commitments, no deadlines, is so they can stay home, relax, and enjoy their nest!

Choose Your Legacy

Some people believe that we choose our own destinies. I used to think I was a person who believed that – which is not to say that I was a person who believed it – I just thought I did. I have never believed in fate – that our lives are but a train riding on rails laid out before us by some higher being. How convenient that would be – absolving us of all responsibility for our actions and situations. So this non-belief led me to “I choose my own destiny”– I like the sound of it – I‘m in control of me! But, I realize that I can’t buy into this line of thinking either. Things happen to us that we have no control over, some are life altering, therefore affecting our destiny. As well, one might strive all their life to achieve a particular goal, never to attain it, but not due to the lack of trying.

And so, I have come to realize that what I do believe is that we can choose our personal legacy. What are we each leaving behind? Not in terms of fortune or material wealth, but rather our reputations, our values, our sense of right and wrong. How will you be remembered? What values are you passing to those who will follow you? We all touch so many other lives in this world, often unaware that we are leaving an impression on another – effecting how they might look at life.

“Don’t worry that your children do not listen to all that you say, instead worry that they see all that you do.”
-- Robert Fulghum --

“The only measure of your words and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you’re done.”
-- Fred Small --

Years ago, reflecting on some unfortunate events in my life, I came to the realization that it is not important what happens to us during our lives, it is what we do with what happens to us that matters. How I deal with or react to situations and/or other people is what defines me as a person. I can not always control what happens to me or how I am treated by others, but I can choose how I respond. That is my legacy.

“We are the choices we make.”
-- Robert James Waller –

“For it is the relationships in our lives that define us. How we treat others is the best measure of our compassion and achievement.”
-- Mike Roe –

What a different world it would be if everyone would consider thier legacy in every choice they make.

Middle Ground

It feels like sad times for our nation to me. We are wounded. And rather then pull together and heal thyself, instead we turn on each other and rip our wound apart. A tug of war so grand that all must choose a side or be uncounted; so preposterous we can’t remember what we are fighting over, or more importantly, what we are fighting for. And like a tug of war there are only two sides – the left and the right; the liberals and the conservatives; the democrats and the republicans. With every next issue raised, with every next law passed, with every next right trampled, the divide grows wider, the wound deeper.

“I used to consider myself an independent, but Bush has made a die-hard Democrat out of me.” Only that’s not true, I’m not a die-hard Democrat, but it’s the statement I can make, the persona I can wear, that will tell the world that I am as far away from agreeing with this administration as I can be. So there I go, grabbing hold of the left side and pulling with all my might.

So I ask you comrades – all comrades – left and right, liberal and conservative, democrat and republican – what are we to do about this? Shall we rip and pull until one side is completely defeated and we are left with no choices at all? Or shall we rip and pull until the rope breaks and there is no longer even the finest of threads to bind us together?

Or can we do better then that? Can we make the choice to change? Can we make the choice to pull together and heal thyself? Can we meet on middle ground, and there agree to disagree on the details but also agree to find a compromise that we can all live with? Can we be not left or right; liberal or conservative, democrat or republican, but rather, somewhere in the middle, flexible, independent?

You see no middle ground? Only one extreme or the other? Choosing one of the multitudes of “others” is like throwing away your right to choose? Wait! Stop! This is still a democratic society – votes DO count – we can make a difference if we want to. But we have to stand together; we have to work together to create this middle ground. I’ll take two giant steps forward if you will too! If we don’t both do this it won’t be a middle ground, you see.

Here’s the plan – next election vote Independent for every candidate! Everyone who wants to heal this wound – vote Independent. Will this guarantee that the best people are in office? NO – but it will make those who think they run this nation – on both sides – sit up and take notice. It will remind them that THEY do not decide – WE decide. Isn’t THAT what our forefathers fought for? Isn’t THAT what is supposed to make us proud to be Americans?