Domestic Partnering

Hear me out - In a nut shell, I say, forget “gay marriage” and every other form of marriage for that matter, because it carries with it too much baggage – too many legal defaults. Let there be two COMPLETELY separate entities: one being the formal ceremony and sanctity of people wishing to unite; and the other being whatever legal arrangements an individual may choose to set up between whomever they choose regarding their wealth, benefits, childcare or any other arrangement they feel must be made. Let me take these separately as the two are COMPLETELY separate entities.

The Heartfelt/Emotional Side:
Let people who care to, enter into a loving commitment. Let them formalize that commitment with a ceremony of their choice being a celebration of their love for one another, and let that commitment mean to them what is nearest and dearest to their hearts.

Obviously excluded from this is any involvement, rules or boundaries set by any government agency. Let’s face it, in reality, this is NOT the part of a “marriage” that the government really cares about (or has any control over) anyway!

The Legal Side
Of course, this is the complicated part! (all the more reason to keep it separate!) These arrangements should be set up for every individual regardless of, and completely separate from, their loving commitments (above) to another individual. There should be no assumptions or defaults that create an automatic bind to these arrangements – for many people these days, it’s not always their “spouse” that would be designated for the following:
1) who can make “life and death” decisions in case of their incapacitation
2) who has legal rights to their wealth/property/possessions (or lack there of) upon their death
3) who has guardianship over children
4) who health benefits are extended to

Today’s reality clearly outlines that our culture’s tradition of “wedding,” (which is sold as a ceremony on the heart) has many more legal ramifications then it does emotional. Let’s face it, in the end, we love who we love regardless of legal “obligations”. The legal “defaults” that come with marriage have become, to say the least, somewhat outdated. This is evidenced by the now-popular prenuptial agreements, where obviously the people committing their hearts do not want to commit their dollars! But no one raised much of an eyebrow over that – among the wealthy, that was completely understood and acceptable.

But now we have these “other entities” – same-sex marriages who want the same legal defaults, and heterosexual couples who may want to commit emotionally, but set up independent legal/financial arrangemetnts. What are we to do with “THEM?” How can we take our age-old, picture-perfect rules and apply to everyone? YOU CAN’T! Get over it! Our culture is not what it used to be! We are evolving, like everything else – we are coming out of the dark ages –let it happen – it’s a good thing!

Bottom line, here’s what needs to happen:
1) Allow people to engage in a ceremony to formalize their loving commitment to each other with no boundaries set by government.
2) Provide simple and affordable legal documents to be filed by any individual to establish their heirs, beneficiaries, medical power of attorney, guardianship, etc.
3) Until such time as a more universal health care is available, allow all contributing primaries to extend health care coverage to whomever as long as they are willing to pay the additional premium (what does the insurance company care what their “relationship” is?)

Why does this seem so simple to me and yet so debatable by others?

Making it Real

So I’ve been on a mission lately to find my mission. Sounds funny, hah? I’m frustrated with the world – well, not the whole world – but a big part of the world I live in. I hate who “we” have become. Not each of us individually, of course, because there are a lot of good people, and I hope that I am one of them. But as a people in general, we are doing so much harm – to the planet, to each other, to ourselves – and we seem to be in this horrible downward spiral. It makes my head hurt. It makes me sad. It makes me angry. And it makes me want to DO something about it. But what?

So there I am – on a mission to find a mission. It’s hard to pick ONE good cause, because when I look at any one of them alone, they are all SO important – the environment, peace, social justice, poverty reduction, health care . . . How do you pick ONE?! And even if you could, then what? I’ve been sort of on a bad run of trying to get involved and finding out the organization is not really a good fit, or I’m not able to make a “meaningful” contribution. So here I am, still wanting to DO something.

And then I listened more closely to what my partner has been saying for a long time, which is basically: “walk the walk” – anybody can talk, and although it feels good to rally with a bunch of people, in the end, what does the talking and the rallying really accomplish? – sure, public awareness, maybe some political action. But there is nothing more powerful than living it. He’s been talking about this since I’ve known him, and although I was listening, I just didn’t “get it” – it didn’t seem grand enough – after all, how can little-old-me save the world by what I do?

But that’s the thing – you live the example, you walk the walk and show people that it can be done. And then someone else does it, and then someone else, and before you know it, lots of people are not just talkin’ the talk, they are walkin’ the walk. And it does make a difference. What if everyone started living the world they want to see? Imagine it!

Here is a tiny example of what I am trying to do: I can get through life without styrofoam. It means I have to go out of my way to buy eggs; it means I have to keep a clean travel mug in my car or else don’t stop for that to-go coffee. And you know what – some of that is inconvenient for me. After all, damn it, I’m an American! I am entitled to buy all my groceries in one convenient corporate-money-making-supper-store. And don’t even think of depriving me of premium coffee whenever and wherever I want it, and at a moments notice! See there it is! There is that obnoxious person that makes my head hurt. So – I make a decision not to be that person. And today it might take some effort, but tomorrow it might come naturally, and the day after that I’m going to add another personal rule to my walk. And pretty soon, I’m going to be DOING it! Which is exactly what I wanted: to DO something. And there are bonuses along the way – by going to a local co-op for my eggs I run into other people who are doing it and who are often cool and friendly people. When was the last time a stranger in your large grocery was outwardly friendly to you? – happens everytime I go to the co-op or farmers market.

Obviously, this is a small example – but there’s a lot of that I can do. And I can get involved in my own community – I can volunteer locally – help one kid learn to read, help one homeless person find housing, start a community garden, visit a complete stranger in a nursing home . . . There is no end to the good I could do on a small scale that would do just as much good as some big national organization trying to save the world – when you get right down to it, the world that needs saving is made up of all us individuals.

(see attached comment for additional note/disclaimer)