"YES, WE CAN"

You know, I never would have expected me to be capable of this much optimism at this point. I have become very jaded and cynical about American politics and the “machine” that runs our country. I had reached a point where I was sure there was no possibility that anyone who was entrenched in the political process to the degree that they could seriously run for President could have enough integrity or compassion for the real people – the little people – the yous and mees of the country, to make a difference and really turn things around. But just when my light of hope was nearly extinguished . . . along came Barack Obama.

I liked the guy right out of the gate – although I hadn’t really educated myself on him yet, so I was reserving my full support. I liked him, but I liked Edwards too (I liked Edwards 4 years ago and wondered if the ticket had been Edwards/Kerry instead of Kerry/Edwards if the Dems would have stood a better chance.) But then Edwards dropped out and it was Barack and Hilary left standing. (Okay, right here I should say – I am an Independent – I am WAY to much of a control freak to sign on to a “party” to decide for me – so I am an independent who hangs out on the left end of the spectrum. Although I have to say, if Kerry had not been running against Bush (the Axis of Evil) it might have been hard for me to vote for him!) Back to Obama . . . so that left Hillary and Barack. You know I really liked Bill Clinton (I couldn't care less where he was getting his blow jobs) and I don’t have anything against Hillary (exactly) but in comparison, Hillary does not inspire me. I feel like Hillary wants to be (the first woman) President and if she fixes things along the way, she’d be happy about that too. Where as, I feel like Barack really wants to make our country (and the world) a better place, and he has determined that by being President he could make a difference (and sure, as a bonus, be the first African-American President).

Okay, so yeah – I am on board for all the catch phrases – “Change we can believe in” . . . “Yes We Can” . . . “I’m fired up” . . . “Hope” . . . “Change” . . . Tell me what’s wrong with any one of those? What’s to argue with?! This is the first politician at this level that I can point to and say “he’s walkin’ the walk.” I am so "fired up" about this guy that it is the first campaign I have ever joined and financially supported. At this point the Primary is coming to an end, the Democratic Party is uniting; Hillary is being provided a respectful exit path; and Obama is already setting his sites on McCain. And I would think he is breathing a sigh of relief! (I certainly am!) McCain will be a walk in the proverbial park compared to Edwards and Hillary!

If I had to sum up in one sentence why I like Obama, (if you know me, you know it’s really hard for me to say anything in ONE sentence!) I think this is it: “Barack Obama is not afraid to speak truth to power” When it comes to any issue, no matter how unpopular his point might seem, he’s not afraid to look them in the eye and say it. He went to the “Detroit Three” and told them that they were going to have to make cars that burn only a certain amount of fuel. Do you think he said this to win their vote? NO, of course not -but it's reality -- even the US is going to have to make some change to adjust to the reality.

I have LOTS more to say about Obama, but let me close with this one vision I have: The reality is, poor black kids have very little expectation that anything good is going to come for them. Their self esteem is so low that in many schools they are ridiculed and called “whitey” by their peers for trying to achieve good grades. What a difference it would make for them, and for our culture, if an African-American were President of the United States. I expect that this would set a precedent so that every kid . . . Black, Asian, Hispanic, woman, gay, lesbian, whatever . . . could say, "I could be President of the United States” and have everyone believe that it’s true!

Yes, he is facing horrendous obstacles – who in their right mind would want to inherit the current situation.?! It is going to be difficult (at best) for anyone to succeed under the these adversities; but Barack Obama instills hope in me – even if he can’t succeed in all he hopes to achieve, I still want to back this horse! I want to vote for HOPE. Consider the alternatives!

YES, WE CAN!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHEO_fG3mm4

Why Must Hormones Rage?!

Okay, I’m not going to do the whole “it’s not fair” thing, because in the end – even with the hot flashes, mood swings, and cramps, I’m still glad I’m a woman. But why do the hormones that make it fun to be a woman have to turn me into a psycho bitch every month? I’m guessing that by now there is some biological explanation of how these hormones function and why a by-product of their function happens to turn me into Ms. Hyde once a month!

It didn’t used to be so bad – it used to just make me a fragile little waif for a couple days – Once a month I’d go through the whole “nobody loves me” thing; I’d rehash every childhood trauma; every bad relationship – I’d spend a few weepy days to myself, but all in all it didn’t effect the way I related to others. I remember I used to say “man, why can’t I be a bitch on PMS like everybody else!” I was/am the type who is always trying to please everyone else, and the idea of being a raving bitch for a few days seemed exotically appealing to me.

Then I went off the pill . . . That’s when my “periodic” personality disorder (PPD) started. No kidding – it’s like some demon takes possession of me for a couple days. I am a serious control freak – I don’t need to control others, but I will not tolerate someone else controlling me – so you can imagine how it makes me feel every month when I lose control of myself to this weird force within! I recently saw a documentary regarding various types of mental illness and I sat there thinking to myself “I can totally relate to these people!” Thankfully I don’t have to deal with it every day of my life, but that’s not much comfort while it’s happening.

Every month I tell myself that I am bigger than my hormones – I know when it’s happening, I can CHOOSE not to let this beat me. But every month I lose the battle. See PPD works in devious ways – when it takes over, the first thing it does is implant this paranoia where everything anyone says to me is immediately interpreted to be an obvious challenge or a hidden criticism. (ie” my partner says “honey, I’d be happy to help you weed that garden if you like” and I immediately snap at him, because OF COURSE what he was really thinking was “you can’t weed for shit, and if I don’t help you, you will do it wrong, wrong, WRONG!”) And because in my mind there is no other way to interpret it, my response is something very biting and defiant. And then on top of it, I have not lost the fragileness of yesteryear – so then the person walks away and I cry because I don’t understand why “everyone thinks I’m such a loser and failure at everything.” Do you see what a frigin’ nightmare this is?!

And unfortunately, I take this out the worst on the person I love the most -- my partner. I’m not sure why, but it’s really sad, because of all the people I should be the most kind to, it’s him – but I’m not. Actually, he has helped me to make inroads on conquering my PPD. He has encouraged me to let him know when I feel it coming on, so that he will be more conscious to treat me gently and understand that it’s not really me talking when I say something mean, it’s the demon that temporarily possesses me. And he is extra careful to be kind and gentle and loving toward me so that I’m less likely to feel like he doesn’t love me, or that he thinks I’m a complete loser.

Then it goes away, and there I am, every month, apologizing to my partner for being a raving bitch, but feeling really bad, because you lose your sincerity when you have to apologize for the same thing over and over again. An apology is not a license to go do it again. My hormones are a reason for my unpleasant behavior, not an excuse. I give myself this lecture every month, and then I vow that next month I am NOT going to let this thing get me – after all I am bigger than my hormones! (aren't I?)