Reality Check: Mom's Mortality
I went to bed Friday night and I laid there for some reason thinking about my mom and the fact that she is getting older – she is 74. I started out thinking about her age in the way that it effects me these days – her hearing is noticeably failing and that can be annoying; her memory has recently gotten quite bad and that is somewhere between annoying and embarrassing; she seems to be even more brazen then usual in doling out her sage advice and this is down-right irritating. Yes, I do realize how incredibly self-centered this thought process is – I am not proud of it, but I am being honest. And then, for the first time ever, I connected the dots – what happens after old age?
(this space left blank intentionally to represent shock)
NO. Not mom. Other people, yeah, but not MY mom. Well sure, someday. Someday it will happen to all of us, but not . . . .
(this space left blank intentionally to represent denial)
My mom is in really good health and she is very active for her age, you would never think she is 74 – other people who are 74 look old, my mom does not look, or act, or sound old (despite all the stuff I said before). How many people live to be 80? Some, but not a lot. My mom could die. Anytime. Maybe it will be a body/health thing. Maybe she will be in an accident. Maybe one day she just won’t wake up. And then what? ? ? ?
(this space left blank intentionally to represent reality settling in)
And then I wouldn’t have my mom any more. And then there would be no chance left to tell her how much I love her. That even though we don’t always see eye to eye and we’ve been through some bad times, I respect her. That even though she wasn’t always the best mom in the world, it wasn’t her fault and I don’t blame her. That every good quality I have has a direct line to her. That I am sorry for every harsh word between us, even if we meant them at the time. . . .
(this space left blank intentionally to represent reflection)
(this space left blank intentionally to represent shock)
NO. Not mom. Other people, yeah, but not MY mom. Well sure, someday. Someday it will happen to all of us, but not . . . .
(this space left blank intentionally to represent denial)
My mom is in really good health and she is very active for her age, you would never think she is 74 – other people who are 74 look old, my mom does not look, or act, or sound old (despite all the stuff I said before). How many people live to be 80? Some, but not a lot. My mom could die. Anytime. Maybe it will be a body/health thing. Maybe she will be in an accident. Maybe one day she just won’t wake up. And then what? ? ? ?
(this space left blank intentionally to represent reality settling in)
And then I wouldn’t have my mom any more. And then there would be no chance left to tell her how much I love her. That even though we don’t always see eye to eye and we’ve been through some bad times, I respect her. That even though she wasn’t always the best mom in the world, it wasn’t her fault and I don’t blame her. That every good quality I have has a direct line to her. That I am sorry for every harsh word between us, even if we meant them at the time. . . .
(this space left blank intentionally to represent reflection)
posted by 10-8-ious | 6:40 PM
4 Comments:
Your Mother is a very fun, lively person. I know that can be hard to realize sometimes being one of her children. We parents tend to treat our children differently than we do others, Being more critical. We want so desperately to succeed and be happy we sometimes get in the way of that.
I don't see your Mom as being old. This may sound silly but I see her as another of those Abbott women that likes Martini's.
Yes, we all should spend more time with our parents while we can. We often forget that, or avoid it because we don't want to hear the advice, or be treated like a child. I'm as guilty as anyone in that department.
This is why I'm planning on moving back to WI. Both of my parents are in their late 60's and I want to get to enjoy them BEFORE they slide into decrepitude...
We spent so many years really, really not getting along, and now that we've gotten past all that I want to make up for some lost time.
Exactly what I've been thinking about my parents. The years are quickly gathering momentum and they soon will no longer be around.
I've wasted a lot of time. I'm trying to make it up to them. It's very hard though, their health is failing fast and I live 1000 miles away.
Your mom is very lively, and a fun person to be around. I know you suffer some of her quirks but hey - we all have them.
I've often wondered if I would have made a good parent. It seems full of heartache and pain with not much upside. It would be nice to leave a living breathing legacy on this planet, but that seems arrogant.
10-8,
I hope you have said to your mom all the things that you have blogged here.
I'm not sure what it is that makes us feel guilty when we become adult children with aging parents. It is not a phenom, I see a lot of adults go thru this w/ their parents. I have been there too, but seem to be making peace with my mother as I grow older and wiser.
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