Inner Thoughts of Self Doubt Go for a Spin

So, I’m on my computer tonight, and I can see that my boss is on line too, and he IMs me (can IM be a verb?) with a little a bit of polite chit chat (we haven’t spoken for a couple weeks) and then he asks “what’s your week look like next week?” (It’s about time for reviews – I’m thinkin’ he wants to schedule mine.) I tell him “not bad, a few tentative meetings, but nothing firm – what’s up?” “Well, I’m still waiting on travel authorization (tight budget) but I was hoping you could fly down to Dallas next week for a couple of days to attend a corporate meeting, I can’t make it.” Did you hear that?! My boss wants ME to go to a meeting with about 25 or so of mostly HIS counter-parts from all over the country and represent our Region!

So of course my initial reaction is “Holy Shit! I can’t do that – I’m not qualified!” (I have these thoughts often, and luckily I’m not stupid enough to say them out loud to my boss – that’s what my blog and my sister are for!) What comes out of my mouth (or in this case, my fingers) is “Sure, I can plan on that, do you have some information you can forward to me on it?” And then I hear myself saying (typing) this to my boss and I say (to myself) “What, are you joking! You can’t pull this off!” But now my conversation with the boss-man is over – I’m committed. (“I oughta’ be committed is right!”)

Then I realize that (assuming the travel expense is approved) this is going to happen – he asked me and I said yes. Well, of course I said yes! You don’t tell your boss, “gee thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t think I can handle it.” And this starts me thinking – my boss is a very smart man; he’s worked with me for a couple years now; he has confidence in me that I can handle this; and I respect his opinion on just about everything. So I try this spin for a while; it starts to feel less suffocating. “So how’s this going to turn out?”

Here’s how: I’m going to research what I need to in the next week; I’m going to go to the meeting; I’m going to take lots of notes; I’m going to find an ally for clarification when I need it; I’m going to speak up when I need to, but only if I know what I’m talking about. In the end I will have done a great job, made some awesome contacts, gotten my name and face "out there," and made my boss proud. It’s why I have the job I do, and it’s why I’m good at it.